Things Have Gone Wrong Today
Part of me,
Is wishful thinking,
Is reading into the words,
Is beating heart and wondering,
If it’s my fault.
Time and time again,
I can’t keep my heart from bleeding onto my sleeve.
I wonder when I will be enough.
It’s been months.
Too much time since hearing your voice on the phone,
Your hands across from mine.
There are too many complications on the table tonight.
Just for an evening in the summer, let these butterflies in my heart be right.
The sun sets over Long Island City.
The subway doors open and the dusky early twilight moves in.
Rarely do I take an elevated line,
Watch the thousand lives of this city expand into starlight beneath my feet.
It will be dark when I come out onto Classon Avenue,
One more walk until I cross the familiar corners that lead home.
The train sweeps under the tallest buildings.
I am one of a million souls on this night,
Summer storms have come back today.
The heat mixes with the sun and the rain condenses,
Builds to a crescendo and I am almost soaked on my way to the subway.
So much is different since the last time I felt the salt and skies of June kiss my skin.
I remember the darkness of the gathering clouds is nothing to be afraid of,
That the storm never lasts and the sun will draft prisms across the air of tomorrow’s early morning.
The wolves outside my window are quiet in the sheets of water.
Today is my day to survive.
A thunderstorm has come calling tonight.
Curled in my little room, drops land on my windows,
Run rivulets on the fire escape.
I close my eyes and listen to the sound of the rain.
I cannot wait to see the rainbows in the mists of a tomorrow’s sunny morning.