Day 30- In the Calling

They say the sun comes for her calling

And I wonder if she’s scared

Peeks her eyes over the horizon before showing the world her face

I know I am afraid

So many mistakes I’ve paid for that I didn’t commit and still I’m here on the precipice

Trying to find my way wondering what you’ll leave me with when all is said and done

When the scars fade

But my boots feel familiar and my hair never stays put and the cherry trees I love so much dance their colors on the wind and I admire the way they burst unapologetic into the sky

It helps me remember who I am

How I rise and grow and fall and rest and bloom again

So I peek my head gently into the light and see what comes,

In the calling.

Day 29 – Forward, Again

It wouldn’t be the first time

I had to do the hard thing

Lead the way

So I realize I have grown used to doing it

The world looks to me to do because they know I will

I can

I field softballs on a Monday evening in Central Park

I learn to live again and again against the trees that bloom so much more beautifully these days

I wonder why my body moves so easy in the dirt and the grasses

Why the flowers seem full of a color I’ve never seen before

The streets stay the same as they’ve always been in Brooklyn and I know,

I’ve changed, but I still wonder when

When I found a way, and started to swim,

Forward, again.

Day 28 – Curveball

I’ve stood in the batter’s box

A long time, swinging all over the zone

And I’ve learned to hit your breaking pitches

Fastballs up and in

I can only strike out so much before the inning is finally over

And I know the last thing you want to do is relinquish the pitcher’s mound when you have to, but it’s my turn to put on the worn leather that’s been mine before you and is mine long after this game we play is finished –

I wish I knew the curveball that would finally catch you looking.

Day 27 – Move Along

Once I watched the train on New Years

I’ve traded in bean boots for heels

Because I’ve learned to walk in them over grates and into the night

The sparkles in my eyes feel right

I feel like myself in a city full of lights

I know the winds change and I await a change too, know whatever comes I’ll meet it like I always have –

And always will.

Day 26 – An Ode to the Flowers of Bed-Stuy and Crown Heights

I have walked these streets to know

The cherry blossoms bloom in April

Roses by end of May

And in the heat of mid July the sunflowers come back to wink at me from a thousand stoops of North Brooklyn –

Seasons change, and yet, somehow out of the sidewalks we grow.